Totally Terrible Tortoise
you all know, I, Hare, am the fastest animal in the entire animal kingdom.
And of course that slow tortoise guy had to challenge me to a race the
one day Dr. Mole had told me to sit still so the place where the humongous
splinter was could heal. But, I did
what anyone would have done, raced him. Everyone
would have thought that I was actually afraid
to race him, how stupid is that? Tortoise
is the slowest thing on the face of this earth. Youíre talking about the
Everyone thinks I am just a stuck-up hare who thinks he is the fastest animal in the kingdom (which I am) and who thinks low of slow animals like Tortoise. That is totally not true. I have a lot of sympathy for the slower animals, really! I feel bad that they donít have my speed, swift hops, my wonderful, strong body and my irresistible handsomeness. Anyone who thinks of me that way is just feeling a pang of jealousy. I canít blame them any, though; anyone would like to be me.
Well, I better get to the main point of this story, The Race.
Like I said before, Dr. Mole had told me not to race for at least five
days so I could heal the area that a splinter had been in, so my leg was hurting
a bit. When The Race started, I was
off. I was running like I hadnít
ran before, everyone was watching me with pure envy and amazement.
I have to admit I was totally amazing. That tortoise was just waddling along, miles
behind me, like he was in the lead. He
actually thought that everyone was cheering for him! It was totally
obvious that they were cheering for me, the one that was in the lead, why would
they cheer for the total loser?
turned out that there was a patch of carrots along the way, and I thought that
it would be okay if I stopped for just a second to build up my energy, itís
not like I was tired or anything, though. I
ended up eating the entire patch, but I didnít care because my body is like
one in a million. I can eat one
hundred carrots in one day and it wonít affect my weight!
Isnít that like totally amazing? Well,
back to the subject. Then I
thought, ďWhy embarrass Tortoise? I
can just take a small napĒ (itís not like it needed it, though)
ďand let Tortoise gain some distance.Ē
It ended up that I took too long of a nap, and when I got to the finish
sign, Tortoise was a few feet away from the finish line.
Now, you all know that I could have easily caught up with that slowpoke,
but as I said before, I feel really bad for all of those animals that donít
have my speed or handsomeness. Because
of how nice I am, I let him win the race and get to be the star for the day.
But thing was, no one believed that I had let him win the race!
It was totally obvious that I slowed down towards the end to let him win,
I mean, everyone knows that I am the fastest animal in the entire animal
kingdom. Sometimes animals are just
so stupid, they canít even see when someone is trying to be nice and let a
fellow animal win a race, itís sad.
no one believes that I let him win, even three years after The Race.
Because of that, everyone challenges me to a race and laughs when I cross
the finish line miles before them. ďI am so slow compared to That Totally
Terrific Tortoise!Ē They
all say after they finish hours after me.
And now because of that act of kindness by me Tortoise has a wonderful
life. Everyone praises him, even
the littlest of little tykes, instead of praising the fast one, me.
He signs about a million things a day and has pictures taken of him
wherever he goes. It just isnít
fair. And of course, he doesnít
have the guts to ask me to race again; he knows that the only reason he won was
because I let him win. When I or
someone else asks him to race, he just makes up some lame excuse like, ďI
would, but the doctor told me to stay home today, I have a bad cold.Ē Then he tries to cough, but it is totally obvious that he is
faking, at least to me. Everyone
else falls for that old trick. They
just donít want to believe that he is actually afraid
to race, that is what everyone does when they think someone is perfect, even
though they arenít (that is, except for me).
hope that the story I just told you (which is totally the truth) will change
your perspective about The Race, because I really am the one who won.
I was just letting him have the attention for once, something he wasnít
I could easily go on about the race, and how horrible that tortoise is,
butÖ I have to go impress the
ladies with my irresistible handsomeness.