So you haven't had enough? Great stuff! Here is a tremendously funny list of lawyer jokes. The first time I read them it had me in complete hysterics. I was also quite curious at who wrote them, but that's because I haven't yet seen Cat to ask her. Maybe she did? Anyways they're brilliant and most defiantly worth your time.

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Once launched, they cannot be recalled.
When they land, they screw up everything forever.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet. (I don't get this - Menstralii)

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred
dollar bill.  Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

It was so cold last winter ... I was so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep" asked the man?
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

For years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country inn.
The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the
stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried.
"I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up
all night talking and talking, and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You
have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

     Hit the lawyer

There is a truck driver who whenever he sees a lawyer walking down the street, he always swerves to hit him. One day he sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the truck driver picks him up. While they were driving, the driver sees a lawyer, and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the road, but he heard a loud 'thump' anyway. So the driver turns to the
priest and says "Please forgive me." and the priest said, "You
didn't hit the lawyer, but that's OK, I got him with the door."

     Do You Know Me? 

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has
been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking  problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!" 
(BWAAAHAHAHA - Menstralii)

     Hindu, Jew and Attorney Traveling

There is a Hindu man, a Jewish man, and an attorney traveling in a car down a back road when, all of a sudden, their car stops running. They walk down the road looking for help.

Finally, they come upon a farmhouse. By now it is pretty late so they ask the farmer if they can spend the night. He says sure,
but one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu man said he can sleep in the barn, and that it is not a problem.
Everybody goes to sleep.

Pretty soon they are awakened by a pounding on the door. It is the Hindu man. He says, "I am sorry, but I can't sleep in the barn because there are cows out there."

So the Jewish man stands up and says he can sleep in the barn, and that it is not a problem. Everybody goes back to sleep.

Once again they were awakened with pounding on the door. It's the Jewish man. He says, "I am sorry, but I can't sleep in the
barn because there are also pigs out there."

So the attorney says he'll sleep in the barn and they all go
back to sleep.

Again, there is heavy pounding on the door and when the farmer opens the door he sees the cows and the pigs.