So you haven't had enough? Great stuff! Here is a tremendously
funny list of lawyer jokes. The first time I read
them it had me in complete hysterics. I was also
quite curious at who wrote them, but that's because
I haven't yet seen Cat to ask her. Maybe she did?
Anyways they're brilliant and most defiantly worth
is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
tick falls off of you when you die.
does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and
prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially
the same service.
do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck
is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
one side has one, the other side has to get one.
launched, they cannot be recalled.
they land, they screw up everything forever.
do lawyers and sperm have in common?
in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest
had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't
figure out which side to spit on.
creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
(I don't get this - Menstralii)
do you get when you cross a bad politician with a
you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
might be your bicycle.
Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old
drunk are walking down the street together when they
simultaneously spot a hundred
bill. Who gets it?
old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical
was so cold last winter ... I was so cold that I saw a
lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the
for three questions", replied the lawyer.
that awfully steep" asked the man?
the lawyer replied, "and what was your third
years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a
last time he'd finally managed an affair with the
forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase
of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with
an infant on
why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried.
would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,
and the baby would
have my name!"
she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up
night talking and talking, and decided it would be
better to have a bastard
in the family than a lawyer."
trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the
is a truck driver who whenever he sees a lawyer walking
down the street, he always swerves to hit him. One day
he sees a priest
on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the
truck driver picks him up. While they were driving, the
a lawyer, and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered
he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the
road, but he
heard a loud 'thump' anyway. So the driver turns to the
and says "Please forgive me." and the priest
hit the lawyer, but that's OK, I got him with the
You Know Me?
small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness
to the stand in a
trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked,
Jones, do you know me?"
responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you
were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people
and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the
again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,
a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has
a drinking problem.
The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.
Yes, I know him."
this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence
and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said
with menace, "If
of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for
contempt within 5 minutes!"
(BWAAAHAHAHA - Menstralii)
Jew and Attorney Traveling
is a Hindu man, a Jewish man, and an attorney traveling
in a car down a back road when, all of a sudden, their car
They walk down the road looking for help.
they come upon a farmhouse. By now it is pretty late so
they ask the farmer if they can spend the night. He
one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu
man said he can sleep in the barn, and that it is not a
goes to sleep.
soon they are awakened by a pounding on the door. It is
the Hindu man. He says, "I am sorry, but I can't
sleep in the barn
because there are cows out there."
the Jewish man stands up and says he can sleep in the
barn, and that it is not a problem. Everybody goes back to
again they were awakened with pounding on the door. It's
the Jewish man. He says, "I am sorry, but I can't
sleep in the
because there are also pigs out there."
the attorney says he'll sleep in the barn and they all
there is heavy pounding on the door and when the farmer
opens the door he sees the cows and the pigs.