The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig. 

Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel 

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. 

George Bush, U.S. President, 1990

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skillexcept for learning how to grow in rows. 

Doug Larson

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide. 

Jerry Seinfeld

God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
 

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time. 

Author Unknown

Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take any chances. 

Author Unknown

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again. 

Henry Beard

Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration. 

Lou Erickson

What is a Honeymoon Salad?
Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
 

"Yup, gardening and laughing are two of the best things in life you can do to promote good health and a sense of well being." 

David Hobson, The Mad Gardener

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.  

James Dent

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. 

Murphy's Laws

There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. 

Clyde Moore

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
 

When I asked you to water the plants, I did not expect you'd unzip your pants. 

Mike Garofalo, Cuttings - July

A man walks into a flower shop 
"I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
 

The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden. 

Ray D. Everson

Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English, a deadly poison. 

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one. 

Dave Barry

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