Healthy attitudes

1. Love & Acceptance

Not ignoring your child's autism, rather loving your child the way s/he is, seeing through his/ her autism to glimpse the child within.

2. Expectations

Realistic, based on available information, yet does not limit for your child's potential.

3. Independence

Help your child but encourage him/ her to function as independently as possible. Expect your child to learn self-help skills like dressing and feeding himself/ herself. Learn to hold back and allow him/ her to try things on his/ her own; reward his/ her independent behaviour in appropriate ways.

4. Open Communication

Family members sharing their feelings, experiences and lessons learnt; everyone listening without judging, allowing negative feelings (such as hate, anger, fear and worry) to be vented along with positive ones. Be willing to acknowledge these feelings and work through them together.

5. Perspective

Lean to recognise your limitations, share your burdens with those willing - having a child with autism will not automatically grant you boundless energy, extraordinary teaching abilities, or infinite patience. Set your own goals, standards and rules; don't mistaken believe that you have to be a 'SuperDad' or 'SuperMom'.

What parents should avoid

1. Over-involvement

Although stemming from love, anticipating your special child's every need and devoting every moment to him/ her is unhealthy. This encourages the child to be dependent, rather than independent. Furthermore, your relationships with your spouse and other children will suffer. Give yourself and your special child some space, and ask for honest feedback from your family members: are they feeling neglected?

2. Over-protectiveness

It is natural for parents to want to protect their children from harm, especially if their child is especially vulnerable due to his/ her challenges. However, over-indulgence may make the child a little tyrant who dominates the family, and throws tantrums at any little thing. Talk to parents who have 'seen it all' and have dealt effectively with their child's tantrums. They are bound to have advice.

3. Rejection/ Refusal to face child

Parents can feel deeply inadequate or distressed at times, eg. when seeing the autistic child performing self-injury or other inappropriate acts. Avoiding the child or the situation wounds both the child and the parent (because it interferes with the parent's sense of competency and self-esteem). Joining a local parents' support group can give you strength and inspiration, not to mention a great deal of practical information on coping and on the resources available. Professional help may also help such parents in regaining control of the situation.