Math Jokes:
"Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas,
50 percent proofs and 50 percent imagination. "
There are three kinds of mathematicians:
those who can count and those who can't.
There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don't.
There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can't.
The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says,
"Go forth and multiply."
A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing.
Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of
little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again.
Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees
helped?"
"Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to
multiply."
What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"?
Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking
an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the
airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on
board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists
suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and
louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out,
"Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"
The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a
complex plane."
Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi
10) e is easier to spell than pi.
9) pi ~= 3.14 while e ~=2.718281828459045.
8) The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure
can't.
7) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie.
6) ln(pi^1) is a really nasty number, but ln(e^1) = 1.
5) e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry.
4) 'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune.
3) e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat.
2) You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e.
1) You can't confuse e with a food product.
Top ten reasons why e is inferior to pi
10) e is less challenging to spell than pi.
9) e ~=2.718281828459045, which can be easily memorized to its
billionth place, whereas pi needs "skills" to be memorized.
8) The character for e is so cheap that it can be found on a
keyboard. But 
is special (it's under "special symbols" in
word processor programs.)
7) Pi is the bigger piece of pie.
6) e has an easy limit definition and infinite series. The limit
definition of pi and the infinite series are much harder.
5) e you understand what it is even though you start learning it
late when you're in pre-calculus. But pi, even after five or six years it's still hard to
know what it really is.
4) People mistakenly confuse Euler's Number (e) with Euler's
Constant (gamma). There is no confusion with the one and only .
3) e is named after a person, but pi stands for itself.
2) Pi is much shorter and easier to say than "Euler's
Number".
1) To read pi, you don't have to know that Euler's name is really
pronounced Oiler.
One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire
department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.
The fire chief says, "Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but
first I have to give you a little test."
The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which
contains a dumpster, a spicket, and a hose. The chief then says, "OK, you're walking
in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, I hook up the hose to the spicket, turn the water
on, and put out the fire."
The chief says, "That's great... perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more
question. What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not
on fire?"
The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, "I light
the dumpster on fire."
The chief yells, "What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on
fire?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already
solved."
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the man and
then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement. "Can you tell me in
your own words what happened?" he asked the man.
"I'm a mathematical logician dealing in the nature of proof."
"Yes, go on," said the astounded judge.
"Well, I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take them
out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one. So I went to the
registration office and got in another line. And filled out my forms for another card. And
got back in line for my card."
"And?" said the judge.
"And he asked 'Can you prove you are from New York City?' ...So I stabbed
him."
Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:
More Math Jokes: The Math Humor
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