She will call you. Tell her
you are busy because.. uh... your girlfriend is over. She will ask you
to call her back. Say "sure". Don't forget to
"Forget" to call back.
Her final and desperate move will be to invite
you out for a coffee or dinner. At first I thought, it would be wise
to decline. If I accept, my girlfriend will have my head, and my ex
might will think that finally I have come to my senses and I want her
back. My girlfriend surprisingly more evil and diabolical than me told
me I should go. Dress nice, look spiffy and don't forget to shine your
shoes. If you got a nice shirt your girlfriend gave you, make sure you
Finally you get to see her. Tell her how she has
changed, she looks a little shorter... did you put on some weight?
(that comment works better than a stun-gun. Notice the twitch on her
eyebrow). She will compliment you on how nicely you are dressed and
you get to reply with "yeah, my girlfriend bought me this really
nice shirt". Spend the next 15 minutes discussing about her great
clothing tastes, and how that reminds you how great she looked just
the other day when... don't overdue it though.
The waiter will grab your drink order, and she
will take this chance to ask you, after dribbling the question around
a bit, if you are interested in getting back with her. While looking
over the menu, reply with the patented answer "no, not really...
but we can still be friends... hmmm, this looks good!" and point
out to her how the pasta All'Arrabbiata is great and she should try
Congratulations! You have destroyed her. She
will sit there looking miserable (make sure you ask "you look so
down, what's the matter?" - being a woman she will answer you
with a typical "nothing" answer). Notice how she will hardly
touch the food, this most likely caused by a the deadly combo
"did you gain weight?" question and your "let's be
I will probably get criticized for my childish behavior,
but I can't help it. I am evil and vengeful and I always enjoy my
steaming and evil plotting.
I find it better to conclude this with the wise
words of Professor and friend, Peter Steen: "ex-girlfriends
should be handled like nuclear waste. Bury them in the ground and hope
they're harmless in 10,000 years."