Her final and desperate move will be to invite you out for a coffee or dinner. At first I thought, it would be wise to decline. If I accept, my girlfriend will have my head, and my ex might will think that finally I have come to my senses and I want her back. My girlfriend surprisingly more evil and diabolical than me told me I should go. Dress nice, look spiffy and don't forget to shine your shoes. If you got a nice shirt your girlfriend gave you, make sure you wear it.

Finally you get to see her. Tell her how she has changed, she looks a little shorter... did you put on some weight? (that comment works better than a stun-gun. Notice the twitch on her eyebrow). She will compliment you on how nicely you are dressed and you get to reply with "yeah, my girlfriend bought me this really nice shirt". Spend the next 15 minutes discussing about her great clothing tastes, and how that reminds you how great she looked just the other day when... don't overdue it though.

The waiter will grab your drink order, and she will take this chance to ask you, after dribbling the question around a bit, if you are interested in getting back with her. While looking over the menu, reply with the patented answer "no, not really... but we can still be friends... hmmm, this looks good!" and point out to her how the pasta All'Arrabbiata is great and she should try it.

Congratulations! You have destroyed her. She will sit there looking miserable (make sure you ask "you look so down, what's the matter?" - being a woman she will answer you with a typical "nothing" answer). Notice how she will hardly touch the food, this most likely caused by a the deadly combo "did you gain weight?" question and your "let's be friends" answer.

I will probably get criticized for my childish behavior, but I can't help it. I am evil and vengeful and I always enjoy my steaming and evil plotting.

I find it better to conclude this with the wise words of Professor and friend, Peter Steen: "ex-girlfriends should be handled like nuclear waste. Bury them in the ground and hope they're harmless in 10,000 years."