After I had realized that
girls were not disgusting as I always stated when I was in
kindergarten, I began hunting down for a girlfriend. Unfortunately I
wasn't sure what I was looking for, nor was I aware of the dangers
involved in a relationship. I just thought "hey, I'm horny, she
looks cute, I want her". Of course that is morally wrong and just
plain bad of thinking of girls like that, but I was young and
immature. I didn't know any better. I still don't know any better, but
that's another story.
After many unsuccessful relationships, I decided
to settle down with someone that could put up with me and not complain
about my weird behavior or my fascination toward goats. All was well,
life was good.
Then one day, for no apparent reason, the
ex-girlfriend called.
Now you see, an ex-girlfriend will normally not
call you for the simple reason she hates you. In her eyes you are the
scum of the earth. Pure evil. Bad. And as far as she is concerned, the
reason it all ended was your fault. This will not only cause the
unfortunate effect that she will spew evil about you, but also fuel
the myth of all men being scum. I'm a nice guy. Honest. On a more
positive side, if you are walking down the street with your new
girlfriend, and she sees you, nothing will happen. She knows better
than to make a fool out of herself on in a public place. You will both
cross each other on the sidewalk, and when you are past their ear
range, she can talk evilly about you to her partner.
But This One Called Back
You see, she decided one day that I was just not
cool enough and told me right there and then that it was over. Bob
over there had a better car, a leather jacket and he wore those really
cool shoes that everyone was raving about.
For a while I sat there picking up the pieces of
my heart, feeling miserable and all. I started listening to really
corny music, sighed and sobbed a lot. Then I thought about it and I
said "you know what? This was the best thing that ever
happened". I dropped my heart pieces to the ground and walked
away, my brain trying to convince my emotions it was okay to move on.
Ex-GF Survival Guide
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