Father to lazy son: When Abraham Lincoln was your age he was reading books by the light of the fire.
Son to Father: So! When Abraham Lincoln was your age he was President!

Tim Allen: How long can a guy live without a brain?
Al Borland: I give up. How old are you?

Mrs. Taylor asked Patrick: "How do you like your new baby sister?"
Patrick replied: " She's ok, but if she does't turn into a boy soon we are going to trade her in."

Mr. Jones was talking to a little neighbor girl: " Hi, Elizabeth.
How is your baby brother?"
Elizabeth responded: "Okay, I guess. But he sure is loud when he's crying! Daddy says he came from heaven. I guess that's why God gave him away!

A teacher had just given her second-grade class a lesson on magnets. She reviewed: "My name starts with an 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A boy replied instantly, "A mother?"

Jeff: "Matt, what does your clock say?"
Matt: " It says 'tick-tock, tick-tock."

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