Abusive Situations

Rape is scary, and it can happen to anyone. What is it? Simply a situation where a person forces you to have sex without your consent. It can happen between dating partners or two acquaintances, it could be with someone you were already sexually involved with, and minimal pain or violence may be involved. But "no" means "no" and that’s that. It is important to know the facts about rape and "street smarts" now more than ever.

It is estimated that one out of every four women will be attacked during her lifetime. In the past year, the FBI has reported over 110,000 rapes, 24,000 murders, and 1,127,000 assaults. And that’s estimated to be only half of the crimes committed because so many women are afraid to report a crime, especially rape.
Date/acquaintance rape is defined as sexual assault perpetuated by someone known to the victim: a friend, employer, date, or recent acquaintance. It is NEVER the victim’s fault, no matter what she wore, where she was, whether or not she fought back, or whether she was drinking. The perpetuator is 100% responsible. However, a woman should never assume the idea that "it can’t happen to me."

Here are some things you should know:

A female has a 4 times greater chance of being raped by someone she knows than by a stranger. The most likely ages for rape to occur are between 16 and 24. The sexual offender is under the age of 25 in 50% of the crimes. 27% of females between 15 and 19 years of age have been victims of rape or attempted rape. 84% of those victims knew their attacker. Dating violence affects at least 1 in 10 couples. 75% of date rapists that were interviewed admitted to getting women drunk in order to have sex with them. These facts sound scary, right?

Fortunately, there are steps you can take to reduce your chances of encountering this situation.
For example, set sexual limits, and make these limits clear and vocalized. Be assertive. Scream, kick, punch, leave if you have to. Stay sober. Otherwise, a guy might take advantage of you if you're disoriented or passed out. Remain in control and take care of yourself. Most importantly trust your instincts. The moment a situation becomes uncomfortable, stop, speak up, or leave. If you don’t feel right that’s your brain telling you that you may be getting into a bad situation.

Also since 97% of reported sexual assaults are committed by males, guys have to be aware of date rape and sexual assault. Males should learn or be made aware of the following:

Don’t force or pressure a girl to have sex.
Do stay sober.
Don’t buy the myth that a girl "deserves" to be raped if she is wearing provocative clothing or is drunk. A girl never "deserves" to be raped.
Do remember that "no " means "no."
Don’t join in if a group of friends invites you to participate in a sexual encounter. Rather, you should try to stop it or call the police.
Don’t confuse "scoring" with having sexual encounter.
Don’t assume that you know what a girl wants.

If you have already encountered an unfortunate situation such as rape or assault, you may be experiencing a barrage of upsetting feelings. Often, a woman’s reaction to rape is known as the rape trauma syndrome. The initial phase is called disorganization, and the second, long-term phase is reorganization. Immediately following rape, a girl may either react expressively - by showing fear, anger, anxiety, crying, sobbing or tenseness - or by masking feelings and showing a clam exterior. They may have trouble sleeping, have nightmares reliving the rape, constantly wake up have stomach pains; genitourinary disturbances; and headaches, or develop phobias. For example, it attacked inside, they may develop a fear of being indoors. They may be very afraid to be alone. Additionally, they will commonly feel emotions such as depression, humiliation, embarrassment, anger self-blame, and fear of violence and death. Sexual fears may develop, and in extreme cases, a person is unable to resume normal sexual activity. However, studies say that depressive symptoms disappear in most victims within four months.

The second stage is reorganization, where most victims take action to ensure safety. They may he telephone numbers and door locks changed, move or visit family members, or rearrange their rooms. Many also read about rape or write about their experience, or they become active in helping at rape crisis centers.

Also, you can get a restraining order or press charges against your attacker. While you may not want to admit to a trusted adult the trauma you’ve experienced, it’s in your best interest. It can prevent your attacker from reattacking not only you, but others as well. Depending on the circumstances, the state you live in may not classify your experience as rape (the laws vary from state to state), but it’s worth investigating. You can always press charges for a lesser crime. Remember: for every rapist spoken out against, there becomes less of a chance of further crimes happening so don’t keep silent. As of now only one in five teen victims of date rape tell her parents about the attack. Why? Fear.

Fear that there parents will disapprove of her behavior related to the rape (drinking, doing drugs, or going to places that her parents said were off limits). Fear that a history of her being sexually active will be revealed. Fear that her parents will blame her. Fear that the news would destroy her family. And fear that her parents will restrict her life and take away her independence. But think of it this way: if you don’t speak out, that fear may stay with you forever.

Sexual abuse is any sexual situation that makes a person feel uncomfortable. Even a sexual comment or unreasonable flirting can be defined as sexual harassment. Here are some simple guidelines to know about sexual abuse:

Your body belongs to you and only you.
Good people can do bad things, even someone whom you trust and love. But that does not justify their actions. In fact, nothing you do or don’t do justifies a reason for someone using your body for sexual pleasure.
Always tell someone you trust if you believe that you are being talked to, touched, or handled in an uncomfortable way, even if threatened to promise to keep it a secret.
Keep telling your story until you find someone who will listen and help you take action. What happens to the abuser after you come forward is not your fault. It is because of their actions and their actions only.
Finally, never minimize the abuse: just because the abuse does not involve sexual intercourse does not mean your are not being sexually abused.

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