Your pet what? A guide to modern, unexplored etiquette.

In this time, there are many new situations that kids are faced with that haven't been addressed before. How do you act when you see someone talking to their computer mouse named Fred?

1. There is a kid next to you in computer tech class who is talking to his pet computer mouse and has given it a name. This is really annoying you.

You want to tell him, "Get over it! That mouse will soon be replaced by those on-keyboard mice!
You should either try to ignore him and go on working or name your mouse and make friends.

2. A large number of animal rights advocates are demonstrating on your front lawn. (One, two, three, four, have you hugged a herbivore?)

You want to put on your leather jacket and designer alligator boots and go onto one of their lawns holding a sign that says "Leave the poor, defenseless plants alone! Eat meat!"
You should calmly explain to them that your neighborhood is mainly vegetarian and that you have a support group for animal rights supporters. Tell them that mailing pamphlets and writing letters to politicians would probably get more attention, why don't they try that?

3. Your friend has a monochrome Apple computer made in the early '80s. He/she asks you if you like his/her computer.

You want to tell him/her that his/her computer is so poor that if he was trying to sell it, he couldn't even give it away!
You should give him a compliment about the computer. For example, "For a monochrome computer, those are the best graphics I have ever seen." This answer is safe because your friend won't know that you've never seen a monochrome screen before, so of course it is the best you've ever seen.

4. There is a man sitting next to you in church and he tells you to take off your baseball hat because they shouldn't be worn there.

You want to argue that all of the team members are very religious and a couple of them are pastors and ask the man why he isn't wearing one himself.
You should take off your hat and show some respect to your elders. Respecting others is the second rule of etiquette and life(the first is to respect yourself). Besides, you could never win an argument with an adult.

5. You are at a baseball game and the man sitting in front of you is yelling loudly and obstructing your view of the game.

You want to pour your nacho cheese on his head.
You should quietly motion for an attendant to come over and tell the attendant to talk to the man about his behavior. That's what they are there for.

6. You are getting impatient. the other kids you are working with on a project are not into technology. They won't make posters on computer programs and make you write out everything instead of using word processors. You have to call them, you can't fax or e-mail, and can't get info off of the internet. You're afraid you are going to fail the project.

You want to say that you can't wait until it is term paper time and you have yours done in a flash. Then you make revisions in a matter of minutes. Next, you will laugh at them as they re-write the whole thing. Plus, the best place to go for fun and to meet new people is the internet.
You should tell them, in a pleasant tone, that they need to learn now, or they may find it difficult to find a job in the future. In fact, you will be glad to show them all that they need to know.

7. Some other kids are pressuring you to break a rule by running out of the fire exit. You don't want to break the rule or lose your friends.

You want to fall on the floor and pretend that you are sick (actually, you probably already feel kind of sick).
You should say, "No, I had better not. I heard that the door locks behind you and you can't get back in. Also, an alarm goes off and I don't want you guys to get in trouble."

8. An elderly woman tells you that her flowers need to be weeded, could you do it for her? She has a nickel for you if you will. However, you don't have time to do it and do not want to hurt her feelings.

You want to tell her that your dog has been fertilizing those plants for years, and you don't want to get in there.
You should handle this situation like any other: honestly. Simply tell her that you don't have time but you would be glad to do it another time for free.

9. A teacher tells you that you need a haircut and you disagree.

You want to tell her that she spends enough time at the salon for both of you. Your entire class can tell that her hair is a different color every week.

You should tell her that you haven't had a chance to make an appointment because you are devoting all of your time to schoolwork.

10. The kids next to you on the school bus are making a lot of noise and you can't concentrate on your homework.

You want to forget about your homework and yell right along with them.
You should tell the bus driver about the situation, never be afraid to ask for help. Maybe the driver could give you another seat, tell your neighbors to quiet down, or if you are lucky, get those kids kicked off the bus. If talking to the driver doesn't help, get your homework done when you aren't on the bus.

11. One of your friends in school has a cellular phone in his locker and is always bragging about it. It is really getting on everyone's nerves. You want to tell him to stop bragging without hurting his feelings.

You want to tell him that he could get cancer from it, you saw it on TV. He had better destroy it or you would have to do it for him to save his life.
You should tell him that you heard some kids know how to break into lockers, so he shouldn't let anyone know he has one, it might get stolen.

This question has been answered by an expert in the field of etiquette, Micheal Sykes, who has online etiquette pages. Visit Micheal Sykes' home page

12. You have some toenail clippers at a gym you go to and you caught a guy you know using them.

First, you would have to ask yourself, "How did this man get a hold of my toenail clippers?" If he had actually gone into your locker well, then, the only proper course of action would be to phone the authorities, namely the etiquette police, and have the individual in question removed for immediate treatment and therapy regarding the use of other people's toiletries. If, however, you suspect that you may have left the clippers in plain view, and that he may by some sick way have taken this as an invitation to use them, then what you should do would be to find a friend, and start a mock conversation similar as what follows.
You: Gee, I just lost my toenail clippers, I guess I should not have left them lying around.
Friend: Wow, that's too bad.
You: That's not the worst of it.
Friend: What do you mean?
You: Well, I have a rare toenail condition that is easily transmittable through casual contact such as that incurred by using my own toenail clippers which I casually left out and are now gone, the condition is usually fatal, though not without several days of painful suffering. Luckily I myself am only a carrier and therefore do not suffer the diseases' effects!You must make sure to be within easy earshot of the culprit, who upon hearing this conversation would most assuredly drop the toenail clippers in fright, run away, and never use anybody else's toiletries again!