PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE
Ring ... ring
Ring ... ring
Click ... recording

'Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and
what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it does not matter which number
you press. No one will answer.'