|
A ghostly
observation
|
|
|
Why do ghosts ride
elevators?
To RAISE their spirits! |
|
A fishy
surprise
|
|
|
What did the fish say when
he hit the wall?
Dam! |
|
Something stinks
here!
|
|
|
What did the one eye say to
the other eye?
Between you and me something smells. |
|
The Perfect
Pitch
|
|
|
What is the definition of
perfect pitch?
Someone who can throw an accordion from across the room into a trash can without hitting the sides of the can. |
|
Violins
|
|
|
When do you
know that a violin is sounding bad? |
|
A Trumpet and
Onion
|
|
|
What's the difference
between a trumpet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a trumpet. |
|
Cello and
Violin
|
|
|
What is the difference
between a cello and a violin?
The cello burns longer. |
|
Mixed
Emotions
|
|
|
What's the definition of
mixed emotions?
Your mother-in-law driving over a steep cliff in your brand new car. |
|
A Man on his
Own
|
|
|
If a man is walking in a
forest and talking but there is no woman around to hear him, is he
still wrong?
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
can a pizza get to your
house faster than an ambulance.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
are there handicap parking
places in front of a skating rink.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get
prescriptions.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do they order a double
cheese burger, a large fry, and a diet coke.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do banks leave both doors
open and then chain the pens to the counters.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do they leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the
garage.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do they use answering
machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't
miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first
place.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do banks have drive-up ATM
machines with Braille lettering.
|
|
Only in
America...
|
|
|
do they buy hot dogs in
packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
|
 |
|
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