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A
ghostly observation
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Why
do ghosts ride elevators?
To RAISE their spirits! |
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A
fishy surprise
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What
did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam! |
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Something
stinks here!
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What
did the one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me something smells. |
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The
Perfect Pitch
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What
is the definition of perfect pitch?
Someone who can throw an accordion from across the room into a trash can without hitting the sides of the can. |
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Violins
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When do you know
that a violin is sounding bad? |
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A
Trumpet and Onion
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What's
the difference between a trumpet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a trumpet. |
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Cello
and Violin
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What
is the difference between a cello and a violin?
The cello burns longer. |
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Mixed
Emotions
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What's
the definition of mixed emotions?
Your mother-in-law driving over a steep cliff in your brand new car. |
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A
Man on his Own
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If
a man is walking in a forest and talking but there is no woman around
to hear him, is he still wrong?
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Only
in America...
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can
a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
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Only
in America...
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are
there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
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Only
in America...
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do
drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to
get prescriptions.
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Only
in America...
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do
they order a double cheese burger, a large fry, and a diet coke.
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Only
in America...
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do
banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
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Only
in America...
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do
they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless
junk in the garage.
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Only
in America...
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do
they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting
so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
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Only
in America...
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do
banks have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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Only
in America...
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do
they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
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