Sometimes getting attention in this way can push people away even more

William Glasser describes in his Control Theory (one of many theories about human needs) that we have basic needs. These needs are both physiological (e.g. to stay alive and reproduce) and psychological (e.g. belonging, power, freedom and fun). They are "those powerful forces that are built into our genetic structure" [Glasser 1986]. He goes on to say, "behaviour is always our best attempt at the time to satisfy the urge to meet at least some of these needs." [Glasser 1986]

Therefore, depending on how our needs were satisfied as a child or are being satisfied in our present life situation, we will behave accordingly. For example, if we come from a family where we felt excluded, we enter a social situation with certain expectations that we will again be excluded. In order to meet our need for belonging we could behave in different ways. One way is that we try real hard to be included by acting over the top, cracking jokes all the time or talking loudly. Another way is that we may find the social situation too stressful and we withdraw, expecting the worse to such an extent that we do not want to risk it. In both situations, we behave in such a way that we fulfill our prophesy that we will be excluded because, by withdrawing or acting over the top, we push people away.