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Interview with Sister Josephine
 In an attempt to get a perspective on what it's like trying to help people cope with death, we went to Sister Josephine of the Saint Brigid parish in Pacific Beach, California. She explained what it has been like working with the Sisters of Mercy, trying to help people with bereavement.
Transcript
Could you start by telling us how you got involved in this work?
Well, my background is, I'm a member of a congregation, a religious congregation, the Sisters of Mercy, and we were founded in the last century to help the poor, the sick and the uneducated. And a major part of ministry was to visit the sick, whether in homes, hospitals or wherever. And it was part of our charisma or gift, and it was passed onto me from sisters who were older at that time when I was very young. And it was passed on from group to group, so to speak. And there a great love - we very much heard the gospel message, you know, when I was sick and you visited me. And I remember very well when I was a young person in the order, accompanying a much older sister, kind of in training. And it was always so - that experience never left me - she was so so tender, so kind and so understand to the people that we visited, and I could see that she was a very welcome part of that day, aiding the very sick.
Okay, and so what exactly is the job that you do now?
Right. Well among a number of responsibilities I have here at Saint Brigid's is bereavement ministry. And there are about 20 of us, 20, they happen to be mostly active, around retirement age, young retired, mostly women, though we're trying to get some men involved also, and that group's ministry is mainly to minister to the families of the bereaved person. So when a parishoner passes away and the word comes down to me from the mortuary, from the pastor, the first thing I do is I call the chairperson of the group and we have a tree, phone tree, and she notifies everybody, giving them the time of the funeral service, whether they want a vigil service the night before or not, whether the family would like to have a reception after the funeral mass, if that would help the family. This bunch of ladies will put on that reception and they come, they come to the funeral service and represent the entire parish at that time, and they always try to meet and offer their condolence to the family. And then after a week or more after the funeral one of them sends a card to the family and then come November 2, which is a special feast in the church, where we commemorate all of the departed, and at that special service, well, prior to the service, we send a letter out inviting the members in the parish who have lost a dear one during the year. And they come to that service and they take an active part in it. And we have a light supper afterwards where they can meet one another and again feel, they want to feel that their loved one is not forgotten here at Saint Brigid.
Alright. That's the ministry to bereavement. And then I make a distinction, a slight distinction, we have a grief support group. When a number of families have been bereaved in a relatively short period of time, we contact them and say we will offer something like six sessions of grief support for them. The main thing about grief support is having the people, first of all, come together and try to share how they are coping and feeling. They also to, and we like to involve them in, sharing fond memories of the departed one. And then we also use a video series that we have at the main office in the diocese and it's called "Growing with Grief," and there are six sessions of that coping with the different stages that people in bereavement go through, the different stages of grief. We sometimes use that. But I've noticed that what they really seem to appreciate most is the opportunity to come together. You know, we had just a bit prior to the vacation time, we had seven people come in on a weekly basis for about six weeks and ended up with a little party. But the main thing they appreciate about the opportunity of coming together and sharing and hearing from one another. You know, hearing the person say, you know, "I hate to go home to an empty house." But then that gentleman also shared that his counselor recommended that, you know, don't just go straight home after your service or after, you know, whatever you have been. Why not stop in and have a cup of coffee somewhere? Why not do something else, you know? Don't just go home straight away. That would get a bit depressing.
What is the work like? Is it depressing at times or . . .?
Oh, the work. Actually, I don't feel that. I think, as I mentioned at the beginning, it's kind of in my bones.
Yeah
It's not depressing because what I experience is that we, the bereavement committee, we do have that gift to share with the folks who are grieving, and it is so gratefully received. I don't experience it as depressing. I also like very much when we can involve them very much in the church service. We invite them, you know, to choose the readings from the Bible that they would like at the funeral service, we call it, in the Catholic church, the Funeral Mass, the Mass of Resurrection, actually. And they choose that any favorite music that they would like played, you know, to bring the gifts to the altar. Anything like that, we like to involve them as much as we can so that they will remember, and so that they will have a very positive, life-giving memory of the church service and the reception afterwards.
Are there any other little stories that you have about people you've helped out, ways that you've helped?
I remember having a beautiful woman, a couple of years ago now. She wasn't Catholic at all. She heard that we were doing this - it's not so much a story just something she shared - she had suffered the death of a daughter. She is a wise and older woman right now, but she shared with us that she wouldn't even expect us to in any way be able to fathom the depth of her grief because this was a mother burying a daughter, you know, which is so, so difficult.
We had a baby pass away about a year-and-a-half ago, I think the baby was maybe two-and-a-half or something. Young parents, of course. And it's just recently that she sent me another card, another thank you card, and she said, we would never know, we would never know what a support and what a strength the church family had been to them in their lives.
And the service itself, it is not at all in any way morbid, no. It's supposed to be life-giving, and we truly believe, you know, truly, truly believe in eternal life after death and, you know, we do try to capture life from death, but I learned something along the way, too.
This is a story that I heard the might be worth something. A father was in a hospital one time and his child had been very, very ill and his son had died. The father was in the hospital when it happened, and then whatever they do in the hospital, you know, they try to leave the body alone for a period of time, and then, you know the said to the father to leave. And he went and sat in the lounge to try to pull himself together, and he sat there and sat there, and after some time the main doctor came and sat beside him. And the man didn't know why the doctor was sitting there. He said, "Did you want to say something to me, doctor?" The doctor said, "No." And after a while the man became concerned and asked, "Are there any papers you need me to sign or anything?" And then the doctor said, "I just want to sit beside you." That father, when speaking to other people later on, said that that meant more to him even than when the priest was talking, the minister talking the next day at the service and the minister was trying to say that the child was in the company of angels and all that, which is wonderful, but the father said, "I didn't care about that. I'd lost my boy." I learned a lot from that story myself, above all to be present to the person and allow, if they're angry, they're angry. I had a gentleman in here, just two weeks ago, about, he had lost his wife two months ago and he was a waste and the family took him back east to get well. He came in here just crying. He came in and we talked for a while and he was a little angry, he asked "How could God see that it was fit to thwart such happy married family, a happily married couple?" So, you know, but to allow people to say everything they can and to encourage them to say that. He became, after we talked, he looked at me and said, "I guess I just needed to cry."
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
I admire your work, I admire your taking on this project very much. And I think that about covers, in miniature, it.
Thank you very much
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