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Albrechtsberger,
Johann Georg (composer/theoretician) He has never learned anything, and he can do nothing in decent style. -- Johann Georg Albrechtsberger on his student, Ludwig van Beethoven. Berra, Yogi (baseball great) A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. -- Yogi Berra
Bush, George (President) I know what I've told you I'm going to say, I'm going to say. And what else I say, well, I'll take some time to figure out, figure out all that. -- President George Bush Challengers Well, sir, I met you this morning, but you did not come; however, I am determined to meet you tomorrow morning, whether you come or not. -- challenger to a man who didn't show up for a scheduled duel; reported by 19th-century British writer J.C. Percy Coleman, Jerry (San Diego Padres broadcast announcer) Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year! -- Jerry Coleman Congressional As I was sitting on my seat, a thought struck me. -- from a maiden congressional speech.
Curtiz, Michael (film director) Separate together in a bunch. [And don't] stand around so much in little bundles. -- Michael Curtis to movie extras I got a phone call from Jack Warner at one in the morning. He pulled me out of bed. It's a lucky thing I was playing gin rummy. -- Michael Curtiz The next time I send a dope, I'll go myself. -- Michael Curtiz to an assistant who had returned with the wrong prop. Dean, Dizzy (baseball star/announcer) He must think I went to the Massachusetts Constitution of Technology. -- Dizzy Dean, commenting on fellow baseball player Branch Rickey's ornate way of speaking. Sin tax? What will those fellers in Washington think of next? -- attributed to Dizzzy Dean, in response to the charge that his language was ruining students' syntax. Gabler, Mel (Texas textbook critic) Too many textbooks and discussions leave students free to make up their minds about things. -- Mel Gabler, Texas textbook critic. Gladstone, William E. (Prime Minister) When an Englishman wants to get married, to whom does he go? To the clergy. When he wants to get his child baptised, to whom does he go? To the clegy. When he wants to be buried, to whom does he go? -- Prime Minister William E. Gladstone in a speech extolling the clergy. Goldwyn, Samuel (movie mogul)
How'm I gonna do decent pictures when all my good writers are in jail? . . . Don't misunderstand me, they all ought to be hung. -- Samuel Goldwyn Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -- movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn Gore, Al (Vice President) Out of one, many. -- Vice President Al Gore, reversing the meaning of "E Pluribus Unum" ("out of many, one"), and in the process, un-uniting the states. Graves Here lies Captain Ernest Bloomfield. Accidentally shot by his orderly, March 2nd 1879. Well done, good and faithful servant. -- grave inscription of a British soldier, in Northwest Frontier of modern-day Pakistan. Haig, Alexander [The question] is too suppository. -- Alexander Haig, refusing to answer a question at a Senate committee hearing. Interviewee They had the letters "UFO" on the side. -- woman interviewee on NBC-TV, when asked by John Chancellor how she could be sure the flying objects she had seen were indeed unidentified. Lone Ranger (Radio Program) Hark! I hear a white horse coming! -- from the "Lone Ranger" radio program Menu Items
[A menu at a Cairo luxury hotel, from about 1940:]
Mr. New Jersey pageant (contestant) Equal rights were created for everyone. -- contestant in the 1990 Mr. New Jersey pageant. Muhammad, Murad (boxing promoter) That's the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right? -- Murad Muhammad, after being told he might arrange a fight with another promoter in Venezuela. News "I's very happy," said Olga, a medical student, in perfect English. --from the Lynchburg (Virginia) Daily Advance If you think the football game was exciting, wait until you hear the report from Tom Aspell from Amman, Jordan. -- NBC News anchorman Tom Brokaw, just after an NFL game had been broadcast, in his lead-in to a story about the Gulf War Official(s) Don't quote me as saying that we will or we should increase our external aid. That would be my opinion if I had an opinion, but as a member of my government I have no opionion. -- Canadian External Affairs Minister Paul Martin, in response to a question by the Toronto press. All ice cubes will be boiled before using. -- U.S. army official, ordering preventive measures during an overseas typhoid epidemic. You mean there are two Koreas? -- a U.S. Ambassador-designate to the Far East, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict, as reported by government officials. Objects must be declared. If there isn't any object mark "X" only at the quantity "Yes" column and if there are any objects, cross out letter "No" and at the same row write exact amount of weight of these objects in words or in figures. -- customs form, Socialist Republic of Vietnam, Question 10, which also warns sternly against "giving false declaration or having the action of tricking" When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both come to a full stop and neither shall start up until the other has gone. -- a law in Kansas O'Neal, Shaquille
Politicians It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands. -- unnamed politician, in a speech honoring Lincoln, as reported by Senator Morris K. ("Mo") Udall Powers, Francis Gary I was a pilot flying an airplane, and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying. -- Francis Gary Powers, U-2 reconnaissance pilot head by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the United States. Quayle, Dan (Vice President) I love California. I grew up in Phoenix. -- Dan Quayle My fellow astronauts . . . -- Dan Quayle, starting a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. Reagan, Ronald (President)
Reeves, H.K. "Cootie" (Football coach) If we hadn't given them those first four touchdowns, it might have been different. -- Hokes Bluff (Alabama) high school football coach H.K. "Cootie" Reeves, after his team lost 53-0 in the state Double A title game. Roche, Sir Boyle (18th-century M.P. from Tralee) I answer in the affirmative with an emphatic "No." -- Sir Boyle Roche Every pint bottle should contain a quart. -- Sir Boyle Roche, speaking about government regulation. While I write this letter, I have a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other. -- Sir Boyle Roche Romney, George
Signs No entry except for access. -- sign in Victoria Street, London. Smith, E.I. (captain of the Titanic)
Stanly, Augustus Owsley (Senator) If Governor Fields is right, I am going to stand by him because he is right. If he is wrong, I am going to stand by him because he is a Democrat. -- Senator Augustus Owsley Stanley (D-Kentucky) in the 1920s Teachers It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything. -- One of Albert Einstein's teachers, giving his opinion on Einstein's future to Einstein's father. Telegram Send all the details. Never mind the facts. -- telegram from the editor of the old "New York World" to his Washington correspondent. Ulster (Irish magazine) The nearest hotel was five miles away in one direction and practically twelve miles in the opposite direction. -- from a travel article in the Irish magazine "Ulster." Universal Pictures (executive) You have a chip on your tooth, your Adam's apple sticks out too far and you talk too slow. -- Universal Pictures executive to Clint Eastwood Varsha, Bob (ESPN commentator) The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. -- ESPN commentator Bob Varsha, covering a Grand Prix race. Wade, Virginia She [Monica Seles] has so much control of the racket with those double-handed wrists. -- Virginia Wade, ex-tennis star broadcasting a tennis match. |