Jokes #1

Golf is like taxes. You drive as hard as you can to get to the green, only to end up in the hole.

Hacker: This is my first time playing golf. When do I use my putter?
Caddie: Some time before dark, I hope.

Golfer: You perhaps won’t believe it, but I once did this hole in one.
Caddie: Stroke or day, sir?

Hacker: Any ideas on how I can cut about ten strokes off my score?
Caddie: Yes, quit on seven.

The pro at the country club was rude. When he beat you on the golf course he not only took your money he then told you everything you did wrong and suggested that you would never be able to hit the ball out of your own shadow.

One of the members had enough. So we bought a gorilla and trained it to play golf. He then set up a game with the pro, $1000 a side with automatics.The day of the match arrived and all parties were ready. The first hole was a par five of 575 yards. The pro teed off splitting the fairway some 270 yards out. The gorilla lumbered up to the tee. Placed the ball on the ground and made a mighty swing. The ball rocketed off the clubface 100, 200, 300 400 ,500, 575 yards and stopped 5 inches from the cup.

The pro's mouth just dropped. If this was an indication of the way things were going to go then he would never live in down. He immediately settled the bet, remembering that he had urgent business across town. As they walked from the tee the pro asked, "How does he putt''

The same as he drives, 575 yards, was the answer.

The worst (and wealthiest) member of Augusta approached Ben Crenshaw after the Master's Tournament. He challenged him to a match - double or nothing the prize money he had just one. Crenshaw was hesitant but hey who doesn't need more money right. To make it fair he offered the guy any handicap he wanted. The member requested 2 gottchas. Crenshaw wasn't sure what a gottcha was but since the man was insistent he agreed.

Then went out to the first tee and the member took a swing and his ball sliced mightily. Crenshaw got up and teed up his ball. The guy came up behind Crenshaw and swung his drive hard between his legs "GOTTCHA!'' he screamed.

At the end of the round the people couldn't believe that Crenshaw had lost - his only comment "ever play a round of golf waiting for the second "gottcha''?

A group of golfers were searching for one of their golf balls out in the deep rough. After several minutes of laboring, the golfer who sliced his ball out into the trash declares he has found his ball, inciting another in his group to scream, "He is a damm liar! I have his ball in my pocket!"

He was 26 over par by the eighth hole, had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the rough, when his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt. The duffer exploded.

"You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!'' he screamed.

"I doubt it,'' replied the caddy. "That would be too much of a coincidence.''