The reaction of parents in adolescence
Publication Date: 22 September 2004
The effort of adolescent autonomy and independence for disturbing the peace and
stability that existed in family relations and the latent period of development
of the child.
Parents are no longer able to make plans for their child and to exercise the
same influence on it. They feel that 'lose' their child and this DISCLAIMS
sovereignty and seek shelter in groups of peers, without them now interfere in
his life.
Since being used-by adolescence, mourning the loss of parenting role and
satisfaction offered by the dependence of children from their faces. The
greater the difficulty of parents to accept the fact that by-idealization by
adolescents, the more painful and time will be the last process of atomization
and autonomy. In teenage girls, the reactivity for parents is usually less
pronounced (Anastasopoulos, 1998).
The Winnicott (1965) considers that the reactivity of
adolescents indicate that a specific way to have absolute need of the support
and assistance to parents. They need to grow up in a stable framework not
catalysed by the aggression.
Parents may react by imposing strict controls and restrictions to maintain the
dependency of the child to them. This reaction is likely to lead the adolescent
to intense psychological problems: seeking stimulation through the use of
substances, sexual donation, offence behaviour, leaving home and others. In
other cases the adolescent is likely to stick regressions and even parents (Tsiantis, 1991).
In modern society, which has renounced the teaching practices of the past, many
parents react to the oppression they had suffered from their parents, trying to
teach the children to be autonomous and independent.
In fact, achieved the exact opposite as the children grow up
in an indeterminate context, without clear boundaries and need adult guidance.
During the period of puberty, consider as the desire to independence from them
and the urge to engage in situations which are not yet ready to cope with
natural consequence of the failure.
Thus, reduced self-esteem, the reality is traumatic and is favoured in the
regression antenatal stages and resorting to omnipotence fantasies. The self
and object differentiation is incomplete and weakened the Prego, since parents
do not put clear limits to their children (Lauer & Laufer,
1984).
Parents should be emotionally close to teenagers, have abilities to survive and
to 'lift' the aggression and all the negative sentiments on the show. Be strong
and stable to allow their children to deprive but to help them
restorations emotional balance.
The Manolopoulos (1987) underlines the paradox is
that an adolescent may APO-idanikopoiisei only
parents who do not fear it will collapse if they compete or will be lost if it
is not with them anymore. The inabilities of parents do not allow to draw the necessary power to establish himself.
The Kohut (1997) considers that a failure and
castrated father is not easy to overcome, because we are able to become the
mirror on which the adolescent reflects the desires for power, creativity and
initiative.
Parents naturally seek support from one another, to face the difficulties of
the transformation of the relationship with their child. This possibility,
however, is not always feasible and reveals old apothimenes
conflicts caused depressive feelings or sought satisfaction in relationships
outside marriage.
In modern literature uses the felicitous term 'empty nest syndrome' (empty nest
syndrome) to describe the difficulties of parents to adapt to new conditions
created after the independence of children.
Moreover, parents have to face various challenges with respect and personal
development. The crisis of adolescence usually coincides with the crisis of
middle-aged parents. Make an assessment for any of the fantasies of the ideal
of I managed to meet or for those left unsatisfied.
It starts them on the period of biological decline, when the body of the
teenager is in full flourish. From what the parents are satisfied with their life
so far and we judged the reaction to the upheaval caused by puberty.
However, it is difficult to avoid comparison to areas such as strength and
physical appearance (Doxiadis - Tripp, 1987). The
separation of roles is no longer clear, as the teenager has the potential to
conflict with his father but also the ability to complete sexual activity.
Parents often engage in competition narcissism with their children, trying to
imitate, or to push became adults as soon as possible because it is not
threatened by the strength of their youth. Parents who are vulnerable narcissism
have problems in all phases of development of their children.
The Freud (1914) was first described the pathological aspects of parenting narcissism
and referred to as parental love of children's viewing autoerotism in the
narcissistic extension, the child.
Between mother and teenage daughter develop relations in many cases related to
the beginning and end of menstruation. She acquires the capacity for sexual
relations and a child while the mother sexuality and femininity subside.
It is therefore understandable that may envy his daughter for new
properties, while it feels regret and despair for the gradual loss of these
properties. However it appears that mothers who had a satisfactory sex life and
daughters pass a stand on sexuality, without the load of anxiety and guilt (Doxiadis - Tripp, 1987).
The revival of oidipodeiou and early processes of
sexuality is not only teenagers but also their parents. The conflicts of
childhood come back to the surface, particularly if they are not resolved in
their adolescence (Tsiantis, 1991). Parents express
themselves in subconscious level aimomeiktikes trends
towards their children, which causes anxiety and
guilt.
These trends can be seen with envy the parent to the child of the opposite sex
or ekdramatistoun the conclusion of a heterosexual
relationship with a much younger person. It may even be the envy of their
children because they were more strict and prohibitive and parents were not
allowed to live all that is happening to their children.
Parents are often authoritarian with their children, prohibiting the
entertainment, dating to teenagers of the opposite sex, to inhibit the
expression of their sexuality, which raise their children (Benedek,
1970). This approach streamlines usually (for example, the father tells the
teenager that is dangerous to go on the streets at night) and cause anger and
reaction from the teenager.
Furthermore, the imperiousness parents usually very strict Prego, which is
rigorous and punitive, but to protect the temperament of the tensions (Winnicott, 1965).
In other cases, parents do not have to deal with only the symbolic loss of
their child from within the family, but should also address the real loss of
their parents who leave their lives.
And they are 'children without parents' and flooded by feelings of loneliness.
All these processes are very painful and parents must adapt to new realities
and find new ways to satisfy (Doxiadis-Tripp, 1987).
Finally, J. Anthony (1969) described the main routine adult reactions towards
the phenomenon of adolescence. Parents who adopt these reactions usually feel apeilimenoi the teenager. The 'standard' in adolescence,
according to Anthony are:
• The adolescent sexual irresistibility occupied by Germany and is dangerous,
while necessary guidance and encouragement because they are still insufficient
• they are prey to the desires of the cut links with the family without the
ability to enforce the emotions, unable to adapt to an adult environment, while
the strange behavior makes a desperate appeal for help
• are ruthless exploiter and sadist for parents, while others are a pure and
defenseless victim of exploitation
• is subject to envy and possess all the qualifications and skills gradually
loses an adult. He is one who can satisfy the unfulfilled wishes of parents and
must be protected and encouraged and
• is a family member who disrupts the delicate balance and should be expelled,
but also a favorite subject that was lost and for which the family must penthisei.
It is easy to see the inconsistency of each of these stereotyped beliefs. The
parents must therefore demonstrate a stable and flexible attitude to teenagers,
without considering that they have failed as parents see their children
transformed from the normal developmental crisis of adolescence (Manolopoulos, 1987).
Website:http://www.iatronet.gr/article.asp?art_id=158
Writer: Takis C. Nicholas, Clinical
Psychologist