The reaction of parents in adolescence
Publication Date: 22 September 2004
The effort of adolescent autonomy and independence for disturbing the peace and stability that existed in family relations and the latent period of development of the child.
Parents are no longer able to make plans for their child and to exercise the same influence on it. They feel that 'lose' their child and this DISCLAIMS sovereignty and seek shelter in groups of peers, without them now interfere in his life.
Since being used-by adolescence, mourning the loss of parenting role and satisfaction offered by the dependence of children from their faces. The greater the difficulty of parents to accept the fact that by-idealization by adolescents, the more painful and time will be the last process of atomization and autonomy. In teenage girls, the reactivity for parents is usually less pronounced (Anastasopoulos, 1998).
The Winnicott (1965) considers that the reactivity of adolescents indicate that a specific way to have absolute need of the support and assistance to parents. They need to grow up in a stable framework not catalysed by the aggression.
Parents may react by imposing strict controls and restrictions to maintain the dependency of the child to them. This reaction is likely to lead the adolescent to intense psychological problems: seeking stimulation through the use of substances, sexual donation, offence behaviour, leaving home and others. In other cases the adolescent is likely to stick regressions and even parents (Tsiantis, 1991).
In modern society, which has renounced the teaching practices of the past, many parents react to the oppression they had suffered from their parents, trying to teach the children to be autonomous and independent.
In fact, achieved the exact opposite as the children grow up in an indeterminate context, without clear boundaries and need adult guidance. During the period of puberty, consider as the desire to independence from them and the urge to engage in situations which are not yet ready to cope with natural consequence of the failure.
Thus, reduced self-esteem, the reality is traumatic and is favoured in the regression antenatal stages and resorting to omnipotence fantasies. The self and object differentiation is incomplete and weakened the Prego, since parents do not put clear limits to their children (Lauer & Laufer, 1984).
Parents should be emotionally close to teenagers, have abilities to survive and to 'lift' the aggression and all the negative sentiments on the show. Be strong and stable to allow their children to deprive but to help them restorations emotional balance.
The Manolopoulos (1987) underlines the paradox is that an adolescent may APO-idanikopoiisei only parents who do not fear it will collapse if they compete or will be lost if it is not with them anymore. The inabilities of parents do not allow to draw the necessary power to establish himself.
The Kohut (1997) considers that a failure and castrated father is not easy to overcome, because we are able to become the mirror on which the adolescent reflects the desires for power, creativity and initiative.
Parents naturally seek support from one another, to face the difficulties of the transformation of the relationship with their child. This possibility, however, is not always feasible and reveals old apothimenes conflicts caused depressive feelings or sought satisfaction in relationships outside marriage.
In modern literature uses the felicitous term 'empty nest syndrome' (empty nest syndrome) to describe the difficulties of parents to adapt to new conditions created after the independence of children.
Moreover, parents have to face various challenges with respect and personal development. The crisis of adolescence usually coincides with the crisis of middle-aged parents. Make an assessment for any of the fantasies of the ideal of I managed to meet or for those left unsatisfied.
It starts them on the period of biological decline, when the body of the teenager is in full flourish. From what the parents are satisfied with their life so far and we judged the reaction to the upheaval caused by puberty.
However, it is difficult to avoid comparison to areas such as strength and physical appearance (Doxiadis - Tripp, 1987). The separation of roles is no longer clear, as the teenager has the potential to conflict with his father but also the ability to complete sexual activity.
Parents often engage in competition narcissism with their children, trying to imitate, or to push became adults as soon as possible because it is not threatened by the strength of their youth. Parents who are vulnerable narcissism have problems in all phases of development of their children.
The Freud (1914) was first described the pathological aspects of parenting narcissism and referred to as parental love of children's viewing autoerotism in the narcissistic extension, the child.
Between mother and teenage daughter develop relations in many cases related to the beginning and end of menstruation. She acquires the capacity for sexual relations and a child while the mother sexuality and femininity subside.
It is therefore understandable that may envy his daughter for new properties, while it feels regret and despair for the gradual loss of these properties. However it appears that mothers who had a satisfactory sex life and daughters pass a stand on sexuality, without the load of anxiety and guilt (Doxiadis - Tripp, 1987).
The revival of oidipodeiou and early processes of sexuality is not only teenagers but also their parents. The conflicts of childhood come back to the surface, particularly if they are not resolved in their adolescence (Tsiantis, 1991). Parents express themselves in subconscious level aimomeiktikes trends towards their children, which causes anxiety and guilt.
These trends can be seen with envy the parent to the child of the opposite sex or ekdramatistoun the conclusion of a heterosexual relationship with a much younger person. It may even be the envy of their children because they were more strict and prohibitive and parents were not allowed to live all that is happening to their children.
Parents are often authoritarian with their children, prohibiting the entertainment, dating to teenagers of the opposite sex, to inhibit the expression of their sexuality, which raise their children (Benedek, 1970). This approach streamlines usually (for example, the father tells the teenager that is dangerous to go on the streets at night) and cause anger and reaction from the teenager.
Furthermore, the imperiousness parents usually very strict Prego, which is rigorous and punitive, but to protect the temperament of the tensions (Winnicott, 1965).
In other cases, parents do not have to deal with only the symbolic loss of their child from within the family, but should also address the real loss of their parents who leave their lives.
And they are 'children without parents' and flooded by feelings of loneliness. All these processes are very painful and parents must adapt to new realities and find new ways to satisfy (Doxiadis-Tripp, 1987).
Finally, J. Anthony (1969) described the main routine adult reactions towards the phenomenon of adolescence. Parents who adopt these reactions usually feel apeilimenoi the teenager. The 'standard' in adolescence, according to Anthony are:
• The adolescent sexual irresistibility occupied by Germany and is dangerous, while necessary guidance and encouragement because they are still insufficient
• they are prey to the desires of the cut links with the family without the ability to enforce the emotions, unable to adapt to an adult environment, while the strange behavior makes a desperate appeal for help
• are ruthless exploiter and sadist for parents, while others are a pure and defenseless victim of exploitation
• is subject to envy and possess all the qualifications and skills gradually loses an adult. He is one who can satisfy the unfulfilled wishes of parents and must be protected and encouraged and
• is a family member who disrupts the delicate balance and should be expelled, but also a favorite subject that was lost and for which the family must penthisei.
It is easy to see the inconsistency of each of these stereotyped beliefs. The parents must therefore demonstrate a stable and flexible attitude to teenagers, without considering that they have failed as parents see their children transformed from the normal developmental crisis of adolescence (Manolopoulos, 1987).
Writer: Takis C. Nicholas, Clinical Psychologist