Eve of holidays a mother discusses with her child, a student 15 years to
sixteen, and recorded the following dialogue:
- Mom, you know that one of the days of holidays I have decided not to sleep.
- With whom?
- Out with my friends.
- And what will you do?
- Nothing. So we sit and talk until dawn.
The mother got upset. First time the child would do so. The mind spins like windmill. That child is at a critical age. Do the risks that surround children and adolescents “wait” today outside its house day and night? Do all these «bad» that can occur literally lost make the child not knowing what to do.
Following the above dialogue and maternal concern, a concern which employs many parents today, we will try to discuss the issue of juvenile and his relationship with his parents.
It is true that the behaviour of children and youth in particular? Regarding the relationship with their parents has changed over the last twenty thirty years. Teenagers now prefer to spend their free time or isolated in their room or outside the home with their friends rather than sit and discuss with their parents.
In discussions on this issue and attempt to interpret the general relaxation observed particularly among teenagers compared with their parents, often demonises family.
- The family crisis
- The institution of the family has gone bankrupt
- The family is no longer able to keep children and young people around it.
These are some problems that often lead to these discussions.
We will try to discuss the issue with the optimistic side, rationally, without sterile outdated perceptions and prejudices of the past, based on the survey data we have available today.
Our response, therefore, the above problems stops are as follows: «No, it is not so». The correct answer lies somewhere in the middle.
The truth is that the family would like more connect, more cohesive, with fewer and fewer divorces domestic conflicts. However, today's family and relations of its members in general have changed. Under the weight of the requirements and needs of modern humans, and competition is reducing the ethical and social values and loosening of human relationships in general. The relaxation is a negative effect and domestic relations. Children and adolescents are particularly demanding more and more their right to greater autonomy, freedom and independence. This is a mere reflection of society.
Friday;; all, apart from extreme situations there, the Greek family, where the largest proportion, still has the consistency and the background necessary to respond adequately to the educational role. Something else happens, then. This will try to analyze below.
Three factors are mainly in which we can conduct explain adolescents today: a) the nature and inherent characteristics of the adolescent, b) the changes that have occurred in recent years in running the family and c) the pressures that currently receives the adolescent as a person and as a student.
a. The nature and the inherent characteristics of the adolescent. During the teenage couple major changes occur on the body, the libido and the social and emotional condition of the teenager. These changes affect the very behaviour and relationships with others and their parents. Many times they told the parents that do not recognize their children. The changes that occur during puberty in humans are so many, so that amounts to a second birth.
It is important for parents to understand that from the behaviour they deem unacceptable, the teen is trying to assert its independence and social and personal identities a member of a coeval group .The socialization and acceptance of the juvenile from the group is the basic need.
b. The developments of recent years. The seasons are changing and along with;; are changing the lifestyle in general, the functioning of the family and domestic relations. The needs of adolescents are the same in all seasons. The need for juvenile is to assert their independence and freedom, was everything. The difference is that today more than the teenager earlier seasons can meet their needs. Twenty or thirty years ago the removal of the new family was impossible. This could happen only if the child finishing school and had to be removed for study or marry and become mature, to create a family. Today's adolescents and young people require a natural right to autonomy and independence much earlier than the old. They consider it an inalienable right to the exclusive management of their personal life. Age can children and young people to meet their needs.
c. The pressures are teenagers. Today's adolescents are strong pressures from many directions Increased school obligations, hunting education, unemployment, competition, the uncertain future and all other structural problems, stressors are factors that adversely affect their behaviour and often driven to deadlocks. National survey conducted recently by the University Research Institute of Mental Health to 12,465 students aged 11 to 18 years showed that the school requirements are a heavy burden from the last class of the city. Although students say they love their school, but 4 out of 10, 40% of students indicate that much pressure from school obligations
The pressure of school obligations must be added the daily pressure from the parents. The Greek parent dedicates itself to children and, without in most cases to understand the oppressed. «Read how it will go to the University;». «We have to learn two languages at least». «We will not do, and music;» etc.
When the parents discussed the problems of young people and trying to explain with their behaviour, they find it difficult to understand or accept that they must change. To consider their attitude not only obvious, but also necessary. «Well, I for the sake of trying. I do not understand; », says often the parent. However, we know that
importance not only what the parent wants and feels for his child,
and how this experience and understands the importance of parent.
In conclusion, therefore, we can say that usually the «bad» behaviour of adolescents is the product of the above factors. The better understand the parents so they can better:
• Instead of interpreting each reaction of the child as a lack of respect, to think that it may be a mere attempt to gain more freedom and autonomy and to confirm his identity.
• Instead of remember and shout, critical to restrain their anger and lead things in the dialogue.
• Instead to devalue each time the child disagrees with them to discuss their views and to show confidence.
• Rather than consider that only they know how to think properly, to accept that today's teen is thinking, ideas and opinions are often correct, and sometimes more fresh and more correct than theirs.
• Instead of scare to any request from the child is not in accordance with their own perceptions and remembered to see better than his psychological standpoint. This will understand better.
• Instead, finally, to stand adamant in their positions by requiring the child to change his own, although clearly see that this does not lead to something to understand that things have changed and become more tolerant and flexible when discuss with their child.
Of course, in any case, before parents decide to follow this condescending regular, we must use discretion to control things and be sure that there is something unusual in a child. To know the places frequented by his friends. To know the company that makes children and, if possible, their families. To know that the child is not in trouble with dangerous people. Please remember, finally, that:
• the road to the agreement goes through the dialogue, which should start early, from an early age.
• You must put limits and rules, but without pressure or blackmail children, to comply with their requirements.
• When you offer a pleasant family environment with a climate of cooperation, dialogue and consultation, the teenager will remain more time at home.
• That the request of children to be with their friends does not necessarily mean or their refusal, or the overthrow of the institution of the family. Just serves their needs, which may meet with logic and far.