Special dress is worn for the wedding, using the most auspicious colours for the ceremony: red, yellow and white. The bride and groom are not allowed to wear clothing that is black, blue or grey as these colours signify grief and may bring bad luck to the marriage.
Once again, as Chinese couples adopt their Western counterparts’ wedding costume, the colours red and yellow for the females have been dropped, and the colours black and grey have been employed into use for the male coat.
A few days before the marriage day the bride will have been presented with presents by her friends and family: it is common for friends buying the presents to share the cost of their gifts. These presents consist of items useful for the traditional role of wife as homemaker, such as kitchen appliances, crockery, cloth, a sewing machine etc.
While wedding gifts might still be popular today as a token of friendship and congratulation, the presents have changed to more modern gifts. As more females today decide to seek employment in society, they seldom have time to do the household chores. Instead, the chores are either handled by the retired mother of the groom or in the case where the couple lives by themselves, a domestic helper. Therefore this signifies not only the change in gifts, but also the transition of the role of the bride in the household from a homemaker to a supporting breadwinner.
Come the wedding day, the groom visits the bride’s house. A special person- a sam poh who is female and receives payment for her services- will have been appointed to ensure that all customs are observed and to guide the couple through the ceremony.
The wedding ceremony starts with the ritual of worshipping the ancestors. Here, the couple will bow three times at the ancestral altar. Next, tea will be served by the couple to the bride’s parents, who will in turn present the couple with a ‘red packet’ (ang pow). Tea is then served by the wedding couple to the elder siblings and close elder relatives of the bride. The couple bow while serving the tea as a sign of respect and gratitude. The couple will now depart for the groom’s house. If someone has passed away in either neighbourhood, a route must be found to avoid passing a coffin or hearse as it is believed that this will lead to an ill-fortuned and short-lasting marriage.
These customs on the wedding day itself may have changed slightly, but the custom about passing a coffin has not been abandoned.
In preparation for the wedding, the groom's house will be comprehensively decorated in red. While the groom is at the bride’s family house a small reception will be held at the groom’s house for relatives, friends and neighbours. When the bride has crossed the threshold of the groom’s house she becomes part of the groom’s family. The ancestor worship and tea serving ceremonies are performed again. When this ceremony is finished, the couple are considered are married by traditional Chinese custom.
After the ceremonies the bride is taken to rest in a bridal chamber by her bridesmaids. Traditionally, the room contains a potty and a baby bath as it is thought that these will hasten conception. Some anxious parents of the couple may even request a boy to roll over the bed of the newly-married couple in hope that the couple may give birth to a baby boy soon.
The wedding banquet- the pinnacle of the wedding celebration- is held on the wedding day, usually at night. The bride’s family may hold a similar banquet the day before for their own relatives: the groom will also attend with a small group of his own relatives and thus be introduced to the bride’s wider social circle. The bridal banquet is not an obligatory part of the wedding process, and its holding will depend on the traditions of the bride’s family and their financial status.
Guests at the wedding banquet are formally introduced to family members of both families, and will bring a red packet and sign a guestbook. Wedding banquets may become quite large: often many over a hundred tables (over a thousand guests) , depending on the financial status of the groom’s family. Traditionally wedding banquets were held in the home or home compound, but nowadays it is usual, for urban Chinese, for it to be held in a restaurant or hotel.
Alcoholic drinks- uncommon in Chinese culture- are considered compulsory at a wedding banquet, and the wedding couple often drink a toast at each table of the banquet. The couple will usually be teased and join in games at the banquet.
The end of the wedding comes with the signing of the marriage register, making the marriage contractually binding.
Traditionally, Chinese couples with the same surname cannot marry. Even if they are not related, it is believed that they stem from the same ancestral lineage. Cousins who are closely related are also traditionally not allowed to marry, as it is believed deformed children will result from such a union. The degree to which this prohibition is observed varies between ethnic/regional groups in China, and marriages between cousins do, however, in practice occur for reasons such as strengthening family ties or retaining wealth within a family.
When a woman marries she is considered to have become the ‘property’ of the groom’s family. Hence, if she is widowed it is not considered respectable for her to remarry: she will be seen as honourable if she remains faithful to and with her husband’s family, and cannot remarry without their consent. Widowhood is considered a noble estate and a good role model for other women.
Divorce is discouraged among Chinese society and is quite rare, particularly among those who hold closely to the beliefs of Confucianism. Couples are encouraged to resolve disagreements and disputes, and parents may mediate between the two.
Traditional Chinese custom believes that those in the afterlife continue with a life in the physical world. People who have passed away can thus be married to people who are living- this is known as ‘spiritual marriage’. This may occur in extremis if, for example, a family has only one male heir who dies young and unmarried thus leaving the family without the possibility of ancestor worship. To ensure that this continues, the family of a dead man will search for a bride- who may be the late man’s girlfriend- and her family is offered a sum of money. If a marriage results, the ceremony is similar to the normal marriage ceremony, the bride comes to live with the dead man’s family and may then adopt a child to thus continue the family name.
Marriage between two dead people is also possible- if, by the help of a medium, it is ascertained that the dead man has not married in the afterlife- and a close nephew will be adopted as the dead man’s son. Spiritual marriage is very uncommon.
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HK1,000,000 dollars – that's the amount of money some people in Hong Kong are willing to pay for a digit '8' in their car license plate.
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