THE DATING GAME
Anderson & Charmaine were together as partners in love. But because Jane who is Charmaine¡¯s best friend is much more sociable then her, Anderson ends up talking to Jane a lot about Charmaine when they meet up. Anderson feels that Jane is a great person to talk to.
Is Anderson cheating on Charmaine? What should Charmaine do?
Sun Tzu says:
But a kingdom
that has once been destroyed can
never come again into being; nor can the dead ever
be brought back to life.
Hence the enlightened
ruler is heedful,
and the good general full of caution. This is the way
to keep a country at peace and an army intact.
Charmaine must be very perplexed about why is Anderson talking so much to Jane
rather than to her. She must be wondering whether Jane is going to snatch Anderson
However, Charmaine should maintain a composed mind frame and always keep in mind that she must trust Anderson that he will not betray her. After all, trust is the key to mutual love, isn¡¯t it?
Instead of demanding attention from Anderson, Charmaine should try to understand his view and be more open-minded. With these good attitudes, Charmaine is about ready to face whatever obstacles that might come into her way. Let us now move on to her ¡°Analysis¡± to find out what she should do.
Mutual understanding is the key factor to successful communication. In order
to know what Anderson feels, Charmaine must first step into Anderson¡¯s shoes
and view the situation from the thoughts of Anderson.
From Anderson¡¯s point of view, Jane¡¯s a great person to talk to and since she knows Charmaine so well, he guesses that he can understand Charmaine better through her. They only talk about that anyway.
So is Anderson cheating on Charmaine?
We can know from Anderson that he loves Charmaine but ends up talking more to Jane instead. But that¡¯s actually all part of Anderson¡¯s plans to know more about Charmaine. So at this point, Charmaine should ask herself, ¡°Does she keep to herself all the time?¡± If that is so, she should stop and think. Now she must reflect on what led to Anderson¡¯s change.
Did Anderson really have a change of heart? Anderson wants to know more about Charmaine, but ends up talking to Jane about her. However in his heart, he is still thinking about Charmaine. His attitude of love towards Charmaine is still there. Thus Charmaine should be able to analyse that Anderson talks to Jane only as a friend and solely for the purpose of understanding herself more. As long as he treats Jane as a normal friend, there shouldn¡¯t really be anything to worry about. But Jane is a really great person to talk to, well, is there anything wrong with being sociable? No.
Hence, she is the factor that has led to the situation and this must change. If so, in what way should she change?
Ask! Charmaine should go ask Anderson with an open mind. She should ask how
Anderson feels about her. Such ¡°check¡± questions help each partner to know what
the other is feeling. A relationship is all about feeling isn¡¯t it?
She has the right and responsibility to ask what Anderson is doing. She should talk more to Anderson; tell Anderson what she feels about him, what she thinks, what she wants him to do. The relationship is all about how each partner feels towards each other anyway.
Or she should deal with the other side of the problem, Jane. Jane is her best friend. Naturally, they both talk a lot to each other. Charmaine is able to talk to Jane about her boyfriend openly to her, and be able to discuss what Jane should do.
Talk it out with both parties, at the same time maintaining her trust in both of them and letting them know that she believes in them.
Just like in the other case scenarios, things do
not always end up as one would prefer it to. In the cruel reality, anything
could happen, maybe Anderson really wants to change his love partner. In this
case, Charmaine must remain composed than ever. With an open mind, she needs
to respect Anderson¡¯s decision and let go of this relationship. That¡¯s why we
say ¡°love cannot be forced¡±.
Adaptation to one¡¯s view is very important in relationships as it is the key that draw people closer.